Dead Branch Hanging
A little girl walks into her parents bathroom and notices for the First time, her fathers nakedness.
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesnt have. She asks, What are those round things hanging there, daddy?
Proudly, he replies, Those, sweetheart, are Gods Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldnt be here. Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said. To which mommy asks, Did he say anything about the dead branch theyre hanging from?

Two hedgehogs walk up to a zebra crossing and one says to the other, "If the zebra didn't make it, What chance do we have?"

How do you make a snooker table laugh?

A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.

"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.

The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."

As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.

Hah @Yopi that just cracked me up actually

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, Holly Madison said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest and prettiest woman at Playboy, so Americans don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America." So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the 'Anointed One.'" So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. Graham. There's a parachute left for you.
America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

BTW thanks for doing this!

1-1000

i choose 690 <<<<

^ thats 20 characters but still making me put more