It's your favorite local TTG weeaboo w/ cringe titles PEHTITTIES!!!!
Anywho - Figured I'd share maybe a touchy, warm, then sad little story on how I genuinely feel the anime community may have helped me continue to be here right now!
I figure I'll get some hate for the title and stupid story but I just wanted to spice up the anime section a little. So sit back grab your waifu body pillow for stress relieving sensational breaks and enjoy or not? (Why am I typing this?)
Okay, Okay so growing up I was genuinely fine when I was younger when I hit around 13 I had fallen in love for what was the first time and things went extremely well in the relationship that followed, we dated for about 1 Year when my toxicity and lack of trust drove them away from me..
I learned a lot since then but it sent me into a downward spiral I'm still recovering from that tbh.. I instantly got into some rather different than usual stuff for me around then as well I started smoking cigarettes and pot also got into some self-harm.. from there I was lead into the wrong people and still kept getting worse and worse..
When I was 14 I kinda realized what I sexually identify as and how I felt were 2 very different things, I myself felt feminine and I definitely liked the same sex as me (Hah gay boi get rekt) sadly the only people I had in my whole life were totally against it at all costs they were sexist and hurtful towards people even as going as far to attack them for their likings... at first it was easy to keep it away but eventually gender dysphoria an the lack of people supporting me had grown into this massive depression and desperate state for anyone or anything to say what I felt was normal.. I looked for anything but everything just seemed wrong to me I genuinely thought I'm going to die and no one will have ever known me for who I was but instead would only know me as how they wanted me to be.
I had grown into drug abuse and was honestly a mess at this point I'd tried killing myself several ways for just a loss in direction I was lonely and when I wasnt the wrong people were around me, I had recently gotten sad news a store I loved was closing and I loved that place I offered to help them work till their final days and they said they didnt have the money to pay me and I offered myself up for the job in return for In-Store credit.. These folks that said yes lead me to a path of recovery that was so crazy...
This was a small art shop that carried a decent amount of anime stuff but mainly focused on the fine art in China, while I worked there another person by the name of "Matt" we'll say also got a job for in-store credit.
Matt was cool as hell and we shared so many interests together from music to hobbies and definitely anime. I mean hell thats why we both worked there and while I'm not big friends with Matt anymore but I have to say he opened me up more than anyone ever has and ever will if it wasnt for Matt I'd be hiding depressed not knowing where to go or I'd be dead..
While I knew Matt I was still on drug binges and one night I had, had enough tbh, I did drugs with the plan to overdose and kill myself.. Well I certainly overdosed I had first vomited (prolly saved my life) then passed out that was that I was kinda exposed no one but close friends knew of my addiction and boom everyone knew I was a druggie.
My other friends they didn't do anything about it I remember they told me we'd do acid when i got out the hospital and we could all trip and be happy..
Matt though well, he texted one day, he wanted to hang out and heard I was in the hospital so we set a time and we started chilling he kinda asked me why and out of fear of being judged I told him I'd just felt lonely and he instantly offered to be by my side whenever I needed him to. This felt great and it was like the first thing towards acceptance I'd ever gotten since I changed and felt different.
We'd hang and mainly watch anime in his car with some food and talk stupid weeb stuff which was awesome cause at the time no one I knew would ever watch anime with me (god I'm cringe) eventually though he asked me if I'd like to attend an anime convention with him!!! He said we could cosplay together since I'd never done it and he'd like to have me meet some new friends!!
I was 15 when all this was going down but still scared of snakes so I kept my chad-male persona on for awhile. We'd cosplayed as Levi and Eren? From Attack on Titan I think those are the names (Forgot) however I met a ton of friends and even a partner there it was such like a wonderful thing cause I realized that my friends I was hanging with in the pastmay not be into anime but I was somewhere where over 5,000 people did like it! I made tons of friends and well the relationship didn't go on for long I wasnt ready for a new person in my life yet however it ended on great times and we still talk and see each other!
So after my first con I honestly felt like I had something and people who support me, sadly I was addicted to drugs and would be for 3 more years.. fast forward to when I was 18 3 years later.
Me and Matt still regularly hung out and I was still on the drugs heavy but I had a good friend and felt accepted sadly was just really addicted, in those 3 years that passed I would OD another 5 times and practically ruin myself for weeks on in.
Whelp it was con time again and this is where it gets cheesy lads!! Que anime music for the weebs in the back!!
So I remember we were thinking about cosplays for me to pick from and we always joked about me being trap asf cause I acted it a lot not really acting just made it seem like I was and it came up in discussion with a friend, They had texted me and they were like "Hey I want you to try something but I think you'll think it's weird and hate me" was the gist so I replied "Nothing is gonna make me hate you, c'monnnnnnnnnn tell me" once again the gist they replied with "I think you should cross dress I think you'd look super cute in some girlyish clothes"
THE AMOUNT OF DEATH I HAD AT THAT MOMENT HAD SKYROCKETED!!!!!!!!!!!
I had already been trap as hell but I kept it to myself exclusively and now my friend actually supported me this was so crazy!!!?!?!??!??
I definitely freaked and instantly cleared the air on my true sexuality and gender and to my surprise that whole group loved the fact I was actually a trap and made me instantly feel welcome to be what I wanted to be!!!
That con I was able to come out to my parents and even more friends (not the druggy group) and almost everyone supported me for it and was happy that I was happy ^-^ that con I did a lightning cosplay from FF13 and it was one of my best ever that was 2 years ago and I had just came out I looked silly but cute too and the amount of people who loved the cosplay and wanted pictures of me and with me and my god the amount of people who flirted lol, I dont think I had to pay for a single meal lmao!
Finally I was me I was able to be happy and I could be who I wanted to be to almost anyone I felt unstoppable and loved, and I still do that group was amazing and helped me finally get out of my shell (or closet fkn gay boi still get clapped kid pssy fgt lololololol)
But what does anime have to do with any of this?
Without anime I wouldnt have wanted to work at the China shop, I would've never met Matt, I never would've attended a convention, would've never expressed my sexuality and gender, would've never felt accepted or anything..
On 1/1/2020 I'll be 2 years sober off drugs and it feels amazing to think I was so reckless that I would even do all that is insane to me!
The anime community is one that I stick dearly in my heart the people Ive met irl and even here (Looking at you r00t and Ahri and even you Mortar pshh update the ranks section) are simply the most loveable non-toxic people who care for almost anyone and judge on character not appearance or sexuality and gender.
I mean this from the bottom of my heart I truly do love anyone who's supported me Irl and here you guys are why I stopped drugs and began to love myself because I finally know I am human just like anyone else is and it feels nice to finally feel normal..
Whelp hope someone had fun reading all that not sure why I typed it maybe I'm weird idk but nonetheless thank you for allowing to share a silly story with you and letting me vent aha!
Till next time space cowboys!