GeneralMy Very Complicated RelationshipPosted:

Mikey
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So as some of you may know i always moan about how shit my relationship is with my girlfriend, so i just want you guys opinion on what it is i should do?

So I have been going out with my girlfriend for 2 years now, and this year has been really bad, i must say i do cause most of the problems, but only because she goes on bout things. Like before i meet her i would go raving ever weekend spend all my money like a waste man, and she didnt want that for us which is understandable, as we are both 27 years old and have a kid. So this year i have only been to a few festivals, one being Lost Lands in Ohio, this along caused so many problems as she didnt trust me to go with all my mates, thinking i would cheat on her. She said if i go she would dump me and she did for all of a week, then we got back together again. Raves i must of only been to like 6 raves this year, because i have been trying to spend more time with her and the kid, and wanted to spend money on them, instead of wasting it in a rave. But she is still not happy, the problem is now my job lol, i work night shifts at a film studio 12 hours to 18 hour shifts a day, so i finish at 7am, i would have to go to hers wake her and the kid up and she dont like that, which is far enough. So ive said to her i will get another job, that pays better, because at the moment i only get £90 a shift some times £130, also i said im going to work days, so this way i would be able to spend more time with her and the little one. When i first meet her for the first time the kid was only 5 months old, and was weird at first, being around a baby all day but then as time went on i began to love her so much and would think of her as my own kid, the little one is 2 years old now, and she calls me daddy which i love, and i hope one day to adopt her. But it just seems i cant do nothink right, so at first it was the raves, so then i stopped, but now she moved on to work being a problem. The other problems we have had, and i suppose i started it of, is when we was taking a break for the relationship, i messaged a random girl on Facebook, she found out and this was a whole new problem. The point i made to her, it was her that broke it of and wanted the break, so we was not together when i messaged another girl. So we got over that drama, so then the next drama, we broke up again, she messaged me saying shes going out with a guy friend and she said she has been messaging a guy on whats app, so as soon as i heard this i went of the rails and watched Titanic with a girl holding her hand for all of 5 minutes lol, but she was a work mate, i was not attracted to her in any way i was just feeling upset and annoyed she has messaged another guy. So i got pissed of again and i told her i was cuddling a girl at work watching Titanic, i made it sounded worse than what actually happen to make her pissed of and it worked. So then the other drama im have is with here always talking about this guy and how she gonna go meet up with him because im too busy at work. But she always just says his a guy friend, but i know exactly what that means, im no fool. The other drama is shes pissed i still live at home, but its been more and more drama every time i say well why dont i move in. But i dont want this now, next year im saying for a house and if she wants to move in with me then she can. So anyway, just now we have broken up again, but the kid is not with her tonight, so i was thinking of going round there in the morning but she will be pissed that i woke her up but i think i can sweet talk her into bed hopefully and work this mess out. So what shall i do lol, what do you think about this mess, in the 2 years we been together we have broken up like 8 times, and blocked each other on Facebook and whats app like 500 times lol, i just dont see this working out. what do you guys think i should do ?

#2. Posted:
Vial
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Should of known that when you broke up the first time it wasnt gonna work.Im gonna be honest mate I think you're an idiot for going back to her after all the times she broke up with and it seems like its only making you miserable.
#3. Posted:
TastyCereal
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I feel for you Mikey, I truly do. I had a long term relationship where she ended up cheating. So not the same, but I know what it's like to have relationship problems. Relationships are one of the hardest things. For overcoming a fight or problem, it would be nice if both people just did the right thing, but usually it involves one of the two sucking it up. The bottom line is, and I know it's cliche, but it's true, is do what makes you happy. Do what you truly want, no matter how hard it may be. Do you truly love her still and want to be with her despite all these bad things happening? If yes, then fight for It, if no then break it off. I see where having a kid makes it even more complicated. I would take some time to think on it, obviously.


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#4. Posted:
Salarian
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Okay personally, I feel like you should leave her permanently. The biggest problem with this I can see is your kid, as you've been around most of her life, and if you just leave and never seen her again, it'll be weird for her and it might cause other problems.
But from another perspective, it sounds like something my fiance does. She will complain about one thing until I fix it, and then complain about something else, and it goes on and on. But, she does it for a good reason. I do alot of dumb shit. She's been trying to get me to fix all said problems on my own. I used to work nights, she hated it, I work days now. I used to go out with friends every weekend, now I stay home and we watch movies.
Now another one, if you think she's going to cheat, leave. I don't know if you've been through a relationship where someone cheats on you, but I can tell you from personal experience that can destroy someone. Especially for since you two have been together for two years.
Now I've had a couple relationships that are off and on, and it's bad. It essentially makes you lose respect for each other, because it's like "hey, if I do this and they break up with me, they'll just get back with me again, so what the hell let's do it".
Now if you love her, and your kid, do everything you can to make them happy. Don't go out all the time, save money, and do things for the family. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO ABANDON TTG FOR A COUPLE MONTHS. You're a well known member, and we'd hate to see ya go for awhile, but a relationship and a child is more important.
Try to get a day job that pays more, spend time with them, save money, get a house, show them they mean everything to you. If you think you've shown them everything you can, show them more. Respect her, and listen. 97% of them women are right. They're made for thinking and smarts, we're made for the work and labor.
Just my two cents on this. I hope you figure out what you're going to do soon man. Good luck.
#5. Posted:
Mikey
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TastyCereal wroteI feel for you Mikey, I truly do. I had a long term relationship where she ended up cheating. So not the same, but I know what it's like to have relationship problems. Relationships are one of the hardest things. For overcoming a fight or problem, it would be nice if both people just did the right thing, but usually it involves one of the two sucking it up. The bottom line is, and I know it's cliche, but it's true, is do what makes you happy. Do what you truly want, no matter how hard it may be. Do you truly love her still and want to be with her despite all these bad things happening? If yes, then fight for I, if no then break it off. I see where having a kid makes it even more complicated. I would take some time to think on it, obviously.


Shes an awesome girl man, like the last to girlfriends ive had did drugs and shit like that, because i meet them at raves, and i would only go raving with them, but this is a decent girl dont drink ovs when we go out fine, but dont touch drugs, shes nice most of the time, and we have so much in common. I do truly love her and i would happily marry her and adopted the little one. I just think working nights and the hours i do is making it all shit, because she is right i hardly see her, but i feel when i get round to buy a house and she move in it would be alot better. But yeah i think she is the one for sure.

Do you think i should go see her in the morning ?
#6. Posted:
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Honestly as blunt as this sounds I think you need to do the best think for you and save to become a personal trainer like you want to, there is good money there, and I think you'd be able to meet someone else that would make you happier and that you wouldn't have issues with, some people don't meet people until they're 40 or 50
You're still young bro!
#7. Posted:
Mikey
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Cavalry wroteOkay personally, I feel like you should leave her permanently. The biggest problem with this I can see is your kid, as you've been around most of her life, and if you just leave and never seen her again, it'll be weird for her and it might cause other problems.
But from another perspective, it sounds like something my fiance does. She will complain about one thing until I fix it, and then complain about something else, and it goes on and on. But, she does it for a good reason. I do alot of dumb shit. She's been trying to get me to fix all said problems on my own. I used to work nights, she hated it, I work days now. I used to go out with friends every weekend, now I stay home and we watch movies.
Now another one, if you think she's going to cheat, leave. I don't know if you've been through a relationship where someone cheats on you, but I can tell you from personal experience that can destroy someone. Especially for since you two have been together for two years.
Now I've had a couple relationships that are off and on, and it's bad. It essentially makes you lose respect for each other, because it's like "hey, if I do this and they break up with me, they'll just get back with me again, so what the hell let's do it".
Now if you love her, and your kid, do everything you can to make them happy. Don't go out all the time, save money, and do things for the family. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO ABANDON TTG FOR A COUPLE MONTHS. You're a well known member, and we'd hate to see ya go for awhile, but a relationship and a child is more important.
Try to get a day job that pays more, spend time with them, save money, get a house, show them they mean everything to you. If you think you've shown them everything you can, show them more. Respect her, and listen. 97% of them women are right. They're made for thinking and smarts, we're made for the work and labor.
Just my two cents on this. I hope you figure out what you're going to do soon man. Good luck.


Thanks for the reply man, yeah i dont think at all she would actually cheat on me, like we are so so close to each other, and get along for the most part when we are together. I think i can make it right, and yeah i dont think i could deal with never seeing her and the little one ever again, and i hope she feels the same way. Cuz we have had some massive arguments this year but we always seem to work shit out. And yeah about spending all day on TheTechGame lmao i basically only go on TheTechGame when im at work lol, i hardly go on it when im home. But yeah i think im just gonna get a day job then she will be happy till she finds something else to moan about lol
#8. Posted:
TastyCereal
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Mikey wroteShes an awesome girl man, like the last to girlfriends ive had did drugs and shit like that, because i meet them at raves, and i would only go raving with them, but this is a decent girl dont drink ovs when we go out fine, but dont touch drugs, shes nice most of the time, and we have so much in common. I do truly love her and i would happily marry her and adopted the little one. I just think working nights and the hours i do is making it all shit, because she is right i hardly see her, but i feel when i get round to buy a house and she move in it would be alot better. But yeah i think she is the one for sure.

Do you think i should go see her in the morning ?

I think you know your answer then. She sounds amazing, and if that's what you know you want, then fight for you guys to work. I did long distance with a girl for like a year, so I know how the not seeing thing goes. It's complicated because it sucks, but simple in the idea that you should do everything you can to see the other person. Calvary is right that you have to listen to her, and especially if you are the reason for most of these fights or disagreements. This is what I mean for one person backing down, at times, to listen to the other person and do what makes them happy, if you truly love them and want to be with them. At the same time set a tone so you both know what's expected of the relationship, i.e. No cheating. Complicated, I know.

I personally would go see her in the morning. At the same time, read the situation. Like if she obviously wants space, give her some, if not, go see her man.


Last edited by TastyCereal ; edited 1 time in total
#9. Posted:
TaigaAisaka
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Man, that shit stressed me out just reading it and I'm not even living that life lol.

Honestly, I think what you want to do is centered around the kid you've helped raise. You mention she calls you daddy now, which she sees you as a father figure. You even said you wanted to adopt the kid at one point in the future. It's kinda an unfair chain you either got to stick with or break free from. It's clear the relationship isn't going anywhere positive and seems like no one is happy with the other, yet there's a kid you helped raise who sees you as her dad and a kid you love to the point you would like to one day become her father through a legal status. That's where I think it's centered around on what you want to do for the kid. You can be in an unhappy relationship to take care of the child you love - all while stressing yourself out or simply leave the relationship and any remnants of it, behind; which, more than likely will take your stress away unless you fall into a spiraling depression.

I'm going to be brutally honest, but I think one of you or both of you like/love the IDEA of the other, instead of being in love; at the very least, it could be one sided. It might have started off as love with both people, but it's not there now. There is controlling, little trust, arguing about work schedules, multiple break ups, pettiness from both sides "don't go to the rave or we're breaking up" - which she then actually does and then the petty jealousy about you telling her you're cuddling with another woman watching a movie. It just seems like a back and forth fighting contest to see who can piss off or hurt the other more, to get them to buckle under and cave into whatever reaction that said person wants.

For me personally, I would leave. I have my own stress in a relationship that is long distance and we hardly can see each other until she is done with college because of her parents. Yet, we don't fight or do any petty jealousy towards each other. It gets hard at times, it gets stressful at times and at times it hurts, but the love is still there. Your situation it's not the same, considering the fact that there have been multiple break ups and some for veryyyyyy petty reasons. I also wouldn't want to feel trapped in a relationship - which in this case, would be the kid. You've been with this kid since their early life and their still, early life. You leaving could have an impact if she is able to comprehend it or her mother completely takes the piss with it and hurts her daughter emotionally. If you truly love this kid, your choices are to power through it and be there just for her or leave and try and see the kid to help raise her, but if your mental health is declining and you're losing motivation yourself, want to move on or anything else, it might be best to do just that.

If you honestly love this woman and her child, you'll figure out how to fix things. She could just be having a stressed day and something like simple hand holding could go a long way. Try to ease up on her too, doing that pettiness fighting is only going to end things on a bad note. Even if you have to suck up your pride for a moment and let her have her "win" -- as long as it's not her being controlling, then it's worth it. Even something as simple as taking the kid for a walk should help her unwind because she has the time to herself while you're out there bonding with the child. Simple things like that. Just try to show her you care and want her, but don't forget to take care of yourself too.

In the end, no one can tell you what to do, it all rests on what YOU want to do with your life, with her life and with the child's life.
#10. Posted:
Lily
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First off: If you consider your relationship 'shit', it will continue to be 'shit' because you've managed to wedge your relationship, in your mind, between a rock and a very hard pile of 'shit'. If you do consider it as badly as you do, why are you still there? It's clearly affecting your mental state and affecting other aspects of your life, why keep trying?

I understand you really enjoy this girl's company but she isn't your first and she surely won't be your last. Mikey, she's telling you TO YOUR FACE that she's thinking of hanging out with another dude, just because she's so petty. I don't think you should put aside COMPLETELY your job or your favorite activities, such as raves, because of your girlfriend saying so. Of course, there needs to be moderation so if you really want to help your relationship stabilize, try to cut down on your festival attendances and instead spend that time with your woman; women really don't enjoy being left home alone while their boyfriend/husband is out on the town because they start to think things, for example, that the dude is cheating on them. Of course, in modern relationships, it has always been "the woman is right, men must do what the woman wants to keep the woman happy" which to some extent can be considered as "true" but a relationship is about being 50/50, you have to do your part just as much as she does. If one (or both) of you aren't doing your part for the relationship, it's obvious NEITHER of you want to be in that relationship.

Take a step back, analyze things correctly, and pick something you want to do that you feel is the correct step for your future. If you think you can find a better job, that pays you the same or more, try to find that job so you can compromise with your lady on that aspect. Relationships that break up constantly are TOXIC and that toxicity can leak into other aspects of your life and ruin friendships, jobs, job opportunities, etcetera. If you've got to let go, let go; think about yourself first.
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