What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
- Velcro

Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt?
- She was bobbing for french fries

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
- She answered the iron

How did Helen Keller burn the other side of her face?
- They called back

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How did Helen Keller's teachers punish her for talking in class?
- They made her wear mittens

Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper?
- So she could always find him

Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers?
- From whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear

How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out?
- She shouted hysterically

Have you seen a picture of Helen Keller's dad?
- Neither has she!

What does Helen Keller think her closet is? - From Kelsey
- Disney World!

Where do Helen Keller's parents send her when company comes over? - From Kelsey
- Disney World!

How do you tell if Helen Keller is alive? - From Alex
- If you hear something fall down the stairs

Why does Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? - From Mike
- Because she sings with the other!

What's Helen Keller's excuse every time she loses a competition? - From Alex B.
- She couldn't see

Why did Helen Keller's last relationship not work? - From Alex B.
- Her boyfriend complained about how she never listened to his problems

How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?
- Break her fingers

Why did Helen Keller cross the road?
- What, like she knows where she's going!

What's this (slowly waving fingers)?
- Helen Keller moaning

Who is the smartest man in the world?
- The guy who raped Helen Keller, then cut off her hands so she couldn't scream for help

How come Helen Keller can't have kids?
- Because she's DEAD!

How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy?
- Trying to read a stucco wall

Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
- She's a woman and she's dead

How did Helen Keller break her arm while in the car?
- Trying to read a stop sign going 80

What's the name of Helen Keller's favorite book?
- Around the Block in 80 Days

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?
- Endless love

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard?
- Neither did she

How did Helen Keller drive her car?
- One hand on the wheel, the other on the road

How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
-On a blind date!

How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
- Answering the stapler



Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?
- Her dog was blind too

How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
- Reading the waffle iron

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
- She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue

How come Helen Keller didn't scream when she fell off the cliff?
- She was wearing mittens

Why does Helen Keller wear skin-tight pants?
- So you can read her lips

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
- You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'

Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll?
- Wind it up and it walks into walls

What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her?
- Rearranged the furniture
- Left the plunger in the toilet bowl
- Put saran wrap on the toilet
- Put her in a round room and said there's a penny in the corner
- Glued doorknobs to the walls

Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face?
- She tried eating with a fork

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How do you mess with Helen Keller? - From Briana
- Give her a basketball and tell her to read it

Why is it okay to tell Helen Keller jokes? - From Matt
- Because she can't hear them anyway!

What is Helen Keller's favorite color? - From Kate
- Black

Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper? - From Jessica
- So she could always find him!

Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in her hat and called it MRUAAGH - From Dan-Dan

If Helen Keller were psychic, what would she call her fourth sense? - Thanks!

How did Helen Keller break her arm while driving in a car? - Thanks!
- She put it out the window to read a sign going 60 mph.

Helen Keller sued Cinnamon Toast Crunch because she couldn't "see the taste". - Thanks!

How did Helen Keller's boyfriend become blind? - From Justin
- She tried to be romantic and "look" deeply into his eyes.

Why didn't any of Helen Keller's relationships work out? - From KL
- Her boyfriends complained that she couldn't see the problems they had.

Why did Helen Keller drown? - From KL
- Because no one could hear her screaming.

Why did Helen Keller do drugs? - From Ezra
- Because she couldn't say "no".

What does Hellen Keller do when she gets her hand cut off? - From Luke
- Sit there and take it.

Who is the worst person to play Marco Polo with? - From Casey
- Helen Keller!

Why is it okay to laugh at Helen Keller jokes? - Thanks!
- Because she can't even hear you laughing!

What did Helen Keller think of the cheese grater?- From Ruud
- It was the most violent book she had ever read.

How does Helen Keller tell the difference between colors?
- Seriously? Are you an idiot? She can't.

Thank if you lol'd