(1)One day a guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Well, to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife." They both laugh. A week later the patient returns. The doctor asks, "How are you feeling?"
The patient smiles and replies" You were right! I feel so much better. And, by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home."

(2)There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." So, of course, he also fled.

Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."

(3)A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I"ve come to activate your phone lines."

(4)In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of
the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

(5)A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race come about?"

The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her mother the same question.

The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her father and says: "Dad, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mom says we developed from monkeys?"

The Father answers, "That's simple, honey. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your mother told you about her side."
(6)A stallion with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married stallion!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

(7)Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other stallion whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the stallion says "OK, now what?

(8)These four gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their foals while walking to the first tee. "My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second stallion, not to be outdone, allows how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third stallion's son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth stallion arrives at the tee box, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son has turned out, he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's a practicing homosexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three coltfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

(9)A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small colt trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the colt is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the colt's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the colt's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hoof kindly on the foal's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the foal's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little stallion?"
To which the colt replies, "Now we run!"

(10)There once was a blonde who had always heard about ice fishing, so one day she tried it. She went to an icy area, cut a hole, and started fishing. All of a sudden, she hears a voice. THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She ignores it and moves to another area, cutting a hole, and beginning to fish again. Again she hears the booming voice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!" She is starting to get freaked out now. "Lord? Is that you?" she asks. In reply she hears, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"

(11)A Fairy Godmother told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish".

"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the wife.

The Fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hooves.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So.....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me".

The wife was deeply disappointed, but a wish was a wish. The Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and.....abracadabra!... Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.

(12)An elderly stallion in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old stallion says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "They're not getting divorced if I have anything to do about it," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old stallion, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old stallion hangs up his phone and turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving...now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

(13)It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!"

The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their hooves.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting, "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."

(14)Three bears are facing a hunter and his buddies. The guns are aimed squarely at the trio. There's Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Mama's slow-witted cousin Dufus Bear.

One hunter shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly Papa Bear yells, "earthquake!!" Everypony is startled and looks around. He manages to escape.

The angry hunters then bring Mama Bear forward, and they shout, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Mama Bear screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everypony is startled and looks around. She too escapes.

By this point, Cousin Dufus Bear figured out what the others did. The guards bring him forward, and the hunter shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Dufus Bear shouts, "fire!!"

(15)A mare gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The mare walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a stallion next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The stallion says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''


Hope you guys laughed at some of these!