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Your Momma Jokes
Posted:
Your Momma Jokes Posted:
Status: Offline
Joined: Mar 12, 201113Year Member
Posts: 233
Reputation Power: 9
Status: Offline
Joined: Mar 12, 201113Year Member
Posts: 233
Reputation Power: 9
Your Momma's do ugly jokes
Yo Mama So Ugly
she put the Boogie man outta business.
she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
Your mommas so old
Yo Moma So Old
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was No history class!
she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
she even made Yoda jealous.
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Wierd your momma jokes ?
Yo Moma So Old
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was No history class!
she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
she even made Yoda jealous.
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Yo Mamma's feet so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her toes.
Yo' Grannies neck so damn wrinkled, I use it as a cheese grater.
I got notin bad to say about Yo Momma - heck, her face says it all...
Your pet Cat so freakin nasty it bit ma dog and gave it rabies.
Yo Auntie so stinkin that a skunk smelled her butt and passed out.
Yo mama's so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china.
Damn it, just realised that last yo is as old as the crust in yo Sister's knickers...
You liked that mama joke didn't ya? Good?...well, nowhere near as good as Yo Mama was last night
But, hey, if I wanted a comeback, christ, I'd just wipe it off Yo Mamma's chin...
Yo Mama like a television - even a 2 year old can turn her on!
You brother so hairy Big foot is taking his picture..
Yo Mother in law so stinky she use Right Guard and Left Guard.
Your Grandpa's so hairy, Jane Goodall follows him around.
Yo Star wars geeky friend so damn hairy, she's a stunt double for Chewbacca and her baby daughter played the leader of the Ewoks (no makeup needed).
Yo English teacher so damn stupid, she failed a survey...
Yo Sista like a mailbox, open all day and all night...
Yo mama's so clumsy, she got tangled up in a Mobile phone.
Yo mama's like an elevator - blokes go up and down on her all day. Yo Mother in law so dmamnd Dislexus when I told her to go get some Head and Shoulders...she jump on top of me Shoulders and gave me head!!!
Your IM buddies so damn stanky, I can smell them over the interweb
Only job yo ever gonna get is as a blind bird-watcher.
Yo idiotic Doctor so damn greasy that he uses Bacon as a bandaid
Yo Dog so short it's best friend is an Ant.
Yo Auntie so flat chested she jealous of the wall.
Yo girlfriend so cheap I threw her a penny for sex and she gave me change...
The first line in the Bible was mistranslated - it actually reads - 'In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth and yo' fat ugly Mama'
Yo Grandpa's house so damned cold, the Roaches ice skate around the kitchen.
Yo Momma house so small that I put my Key in the doorlock and broke the freakin back window!
I heard yo mama got fired from her job at the sperm bank - the boss caught her drinking on the job...
Yo baby sista's nose so long, it make Steffi Graf jealous...
Yo Mam so damn ugly, look like the ho was hit by the whole freakin Ugly Tree!!!
Yo Mama so old - heck, the first line of the Koran was mistranslated - it should read 'All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds and Father of Yo' Mama'...
I heard that yo Granny was so disgustingly ugly that on a holiday to Egypt she looked up a Camel's ass and scared the hump off of it!
Yo Driving Instructor so damn old he got hieroglyphics on his Driver license.
Yo Cousin so old she drives a chariot to High school
I took yo Mama to the Doctor's - I tell him that she feeling poorly and that she only got 1 toe and 1 knee. Doc tells me she's contracted 'Tony'...
Yo Boss so damn ugly that when he leaned out the window the Police arrested him for attempted murder
That Grandpa of your's so stupid and poor that when I came over for Dinner he read me recipes...
Yo wee brother so damn hairy that he went for a short back and sides and lost 30 pounds...
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...
she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
her shadow gave up.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
Your momma's so poor Yo Moma So Poor
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I went into her 'living room', stepped on a *** butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"
Your momma's so stupid Your Mama So Fat
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
small objects orbit her.
she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
her Uni graduation photo was an aerial
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
her fave food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
she has TB ... 2 bellys.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.
Last edited by MrxWiilllssoon ; edited 1 time in total
Yo Mama So Ugly
she put the Boogie man outta business.
she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
Your mommas so old
Yo Moma So Old
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was No history class!
she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
she even made Yoda jealous.
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Wierd your momma jokes ?
Yo Moma So Old
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was No history class!
she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
she even made Yoda jealous.
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Yo Mamma's feet so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her toes.
Yo' Grannies neck so damn wrinkled, I use it as a cheese grater.
I got notin bad to say about Yo Momma - heck, her face says it all...
Your pet Cat so freakin nasty it bit ma dog and gave it rabies.
Yo Auntie so stinkin that a skunk smelled her butt and passed out.
Yo mama's so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china.
Damn it, just realised that last yo is as old as the crust in yo Sister's knickers...
You liked that mama joke didn't ya? Good?...well, nowhere near as good as Yo Mama was last night
But, hey, if I wanted a comeback, christ, I'd just wipe it off Yo Mamma's chin...
Yo Mama like a television - even a 2 year old can turn her on!
You brother so hairy Big foot is taking his picture..
Yo Mother in law so stinky she use Right Guard and Left Guard.
Your Grandpa's so hairy, Jane Goodall follows him around.
Yo Star wars geeky friend so damn hairy, she's a stunt double for Chewbacca and her baby daughter played the leader of the Ewoks (no makeup needed).
Yo English teacher so damn stupid, she failed a survey...
Yo Sista like a mailbox, open all day and all night...
Yo mama's so clumsy, she got tangled up in a Mobile phone.
Yo mama's like an elevator - blokes go up and down on her all day. Yo Mother in law so dmamnd Dislexus when I told her to go get some Head and Shoulders...she jump on top of me Shoulders and gave me head!!!
Your IM buddies so damn stanky, I can smell them over the interweb
Only job yo ever gonna get is as a blind bird-watcher.
Yo idiotic Doctor so damn greasy that he uses Bacon as a bandaid
Yo Dog so short it's best friend is an Ant.
Yo Auntie so flat chested she jealous of the wall.
Yo girlfriend so cheap I threw her a penny for sex and she gave me change...
The first line in the Bible was mistranslated - it actually reads - 'In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth and yo' fat ugly Mama'
Yo Grandpa's house so damned cold, the Roaches ice skate around the kitchen.
Yo Momma house so small that I put my Key in the doorlock and broke the freakin back window!
I heard yo mama got fired from her job at the sperm bank - the boss caught her drinking on the job...
Yo baby sista's nose so long, it make Steffi Graf jealous...
Yo Mam so damn ugly, look like the ho was hit by the whole freakin Ugly Tree!!!
Yo Mama so old - heck, the first line of the Koran was mistranslated - it should read 'All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds and Father of Yo' Mama'...
I heard that yo Granny was so disgustingly ugly that on a holiday to Egypt she looked up a Camel's ass and scared the hump off of it!
Yo Driving Instructor so damn old he got hieroglyphics on his Driver license.
Yo Cousin so old she drives a chariot to High school
I took yo Mama to the Doctor's - I tell him that she feeling poorly and that she only got 1 toe and 1 knee. Doc tells me she's contracted 'Tony'...
Yo Boss so damn ugly that when he leaned out the window the Police arrested him for attempted murder
That Grandpa of your's so stupid and poor that when I came over for Dinner he read me recipes...
Yo wee brother so damn hairy that he went for a short back and sides and lost 30 pounds...
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...
she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
her shadow gave up.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
Your momma's so poor
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I went into her 'living room', stepped on a *** butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"
Your momma's so stupid
Yo Mama So Stupid
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
she invented a silent car alarm.
that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.
she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
she lost her shadow.
she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.
when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'
Your Momma's so fat
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
she invented a silent car alarm.
that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.
she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
she lost her shadow.
she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.
when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'
Your Momma's so fat
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
small objects orbit her.
she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
her Uni graduation photo was an aerial
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
her fave food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
she has TB ... 2 bellys.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.
Last edited by MrxWiilllssoon ; edited 1 time in total
#2. Posted:
Status: Offline
Joined: Feb 06, 201113Year Member
Posts: 2,874
Reputation Power: 126
funny
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#3. Posted:
Status: Offline
Joined: May 26, 201112Year Member
Posts: 285
Reputation Power: 14
Status: Offline
Joined: May 26, 201112Year Member
Posts: 285
Reputation Power: 14
Your Momma's so fat, she goes to the Cinema & sits next to everybody
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#4. Posted:
Status: Offline
Joined: Jun 06, 201112Year Member
Posts: 3,930
Reputation Power: 108
Status: Offline
Joined: Jun 06, 201112Year Member
Posts: 3,930
Reputation Power: 108
There is a thread with more off these..
Good post tho..
Good post tho..
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#5. Posted:
Status: Offline
Joined: Mar 12, 201113Year Member
Posts: 233
Reputation Power: 9
Status: Offline
Joined: Mar 12, 201113Year Member
Posts: 233
Reputation Power: 9
Thanks Guys it took like 15 Mins
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#6. Posted:
Status: Offline
Joined: May 26, 201112Year Member
Posts: 285
Reputation Power: 14
Status: Offline
Joined: May 26, 201112Year Member
Posts: 285
Reputation Power: 14
Not hating but it just looks like a copy & paste...Still good though
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#7. Posted:
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Joined: May 02, 201014Year Member
Posts: 609
Reputation Power: 25
Status: Offline
Joined: May 02, 201014Year Member
Posts: 609
Reputation Power: 25
Yo momma so fat, it took two planes, a train and a bus for me to get around her
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#8. Posted:
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Joined: Apr 04, 201113Year Member
Posts: 2,043
Reputation Power: 82
lol nice post loos paste but funnythooo
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#9. Posted:
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Joined: Feb 19, 201113Year Member
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Joined: Feb 19, 201113Year Member
Posts: 1,004
Reputation Power: 43
some of the best your mamma jokes
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#10. Posted:
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Joined: Mar 12, 201113Year Member
Posts: 233
Reputation Power: 9
Status: Offline
Joined: Mar 12, 201113Year Member
Posts: 233
Reputation Power: 9
Please post some of your funny Mum Jokes ?
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