what joke do you like best??

1. It's a bad Valentine's Day when the lamppost by the pub gets more cards and flowers than I do.


2.I got back to my wife's hospital room around an hour after she 'd given birth and she said "Where have you been?"

"Just the Registry Office," I replied. "How's Adolf?"

She said, "Who the f*** is Adolf?"


3. A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.

I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.


4. Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but f*** me the pass the parcel was quick!


5. I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:

I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
Well, I'm not.


6. My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.


So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.


7. I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.


8. If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it R*pe.. or shoplifting?


9. A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bi***."