GeneralAnxiety and depression and health issues.
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GeneralAnxiety and depression and health issues.Posted:

CWL
  • Ladder Climber
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Joined: May 26, 20176Year Member
Posts: 329
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Status: Offline
Joined: May 26, 20176Year Member
Posts: 329
Reputation Power: 59
Hello everyone! Hope all is well or as well as it can feasibly be amidst this pandemic. I'm stopping by to talk about something and maybe get a better understanding of what is happening with my body.


So some of the backstory, so that this is a bit more in context.

Almost 4 years ago, I was forcibly brought to my local hospital for suicidal thoughts. This was the first time in my life I'd been introduced to that type of thing and for me, it was scary. As a 16 year old, it's very hard to pinpoint why you feel like you do, and what brings those emotions to the front to bother you. While at the hospital, I was assaulted by another patient in the mental health ward, and it was shocking. He was actually a convict and was in the same area as me because he had been doing things in his cell / unit that warranted he be mentally evaluated. He was 32 years old and while that was not the part that was most frightening, it was very disturbing that he was allowed to walk around with me in the same area. It was my Mom and I in the room and while we were watching the television waiting for my blood test to come back, he ran into my room and punched me 4 times in the head and hit my mom too. After that he was on top of me and was just beating away and eventually he was taken out and down by the security. Ever since that day, I've had headaches and anxiety about leaving doors open, having my back to the door, or even being around people I don't know. It's held me back a lot and being that was my first experience in a hospital for that type of treatment, it's turned me away from being checked out again and what's ironic, is that I went back to that same hospital not once, but twice more. I did a program called PHP or Partial Hospitalization Program. We essentially all went to this group 5 days a week from 8am - 245pm and did group therapy to discuss how we plan to work on our mental health and all. This was probably the only therapy that I've done that I want to do daily or even weekly. It was something different and I trusted them.

Anyways, my reason for telling you this, was to explain that nearly 4 years later, I still struggle. It's a painful experience. I don't always enjoy my time. Majority of the time, I'm in my room and I struggle to find something to get out of my shell and grow from it. I don't know how to do it and peoplpe tell me to just go out and enjoy it . Meet people, go work etc..

The problem is that this gets so severe there's days where I will not eat. I've noticed the effects that it's had on me. Stomach issues, weight loss, lack of hygiene, even the occasional manic episodes. I've not held a job for more than a month in the past few years because quite honestly, I'm afraid of being in the public. I'm scared of something like what happened or worse occurring again and me not reacting in a good way or even freezing up. I'm just not sure waht to do and with the pandemic, this is all so hard to grasp and get a control of and I need to figure out something soon or I feel like I'm going to be in too deep.

If anyone has any ways to gradually get out of this funk or to get myself out of being so worried and anxious all the time, please tell me.
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