*Mod Disclaimer*


In advance I'm sorry for the very long post, if you read it all that's awesome but if you don't it's no hard feelings

Don't really know how to start this haha. I'll try ease into it.
Recently, I've become a lot more active on this site, in the SB, interacting with people and I'm glad cause it's no problem of mine to admit I'm in a bit of a rut in my life at the moment. Of course my family and I, along with GP's and a particular specialist have been working to get myself out of this but it's a slow process of course. So I really been focusing for the past few weeks on what I wanna do with my life. I feel more and more everyday like school is not for me. I'm a good kid, B and C average student, I don't disrupt classes or not show up I just don't feel like my whole life is allowed to be determined by this system. This is in NO way "Rebellious" I fully respect what school is and what people try to give everyone their own best opportunities but the more I'm growing up the more I feel like it's not a path I want to take. And the funniest part of all this to me is this inspiration stemmed, unintentionally, from someone so close to me. My sister. She always did well in school and had her goals set and knew what she wanted and she worked and worked for them and is now in her third year of a 4 year course at one of the best colleges in the country and I have seen the drastic effect that had on her, mainly because she still wants it. I see her twice a week, she lives up at college and when she's home she's a different person. I see the stress and the exhaustion taking a toll and that's heartbreaking. But it's what she wants to do and she is making it for herself and I could not be anymore proud. But it's not what I want.

I wanna see the world and meet new people and live a life not set in place by a life based around testing in a hostile environment I'm not happy in, just to push myself for another 9 - 5. People want that and let me make it clear how I fully RESPECT that, I can't emphasize it more - I just don't. So in all of my troubles these past years I've never had a goal, a real goal but looking back I always had a distraction. Music. I never played and instrument and I can't sing but there is something about music that calms me and makes me feel so motivated that I think no one will ever understand. Putting on headphones and hearing a simple beat and my mind starts to race with every possible word going on in there right now. I listen to a lot of rap, I know it's looked down upon in recent years as it's kind of changing as a genre with new artists adding there own swing on things but I like the storytellers, the emotion filled rap. Eminem is a lyrical genius and I think anyone who appreciates music appreciates most of his work. My favourite artist is Witt Lowry because it's not "Pu**y, money, weed" (Which again, if that is your preference I am in no way saying it's wrong, everyone likes different stuff and I can appreciate that i think its awesome) It's someones problems and passion put onto a page and made into something and I want that. I want to have an effect on someones life. Even if it is only one I will be genuinely happy cause I know I made a difference. I can't rap, I mean it's physically possible yes, but I don't have the voice for it and that's something I cannot change so I wanna take that negative and make it a positive. I wanna try my hand at making a beat for someone else or helping someone write or something, not as a career but as of right now, the internet is full of negatives and wrongs but it's full of opportunity and if only 1k people ever hear something I have helped put out there in the world my goal is complete.
So I'm sorta reaching out If there is anybody who has made it this far and feels like i do please get in touch with me and let's just have a toy around with the whole idea for a few months and we can see what comes of it. I really really would like to have someone have a go at this with me and see if any one can be reached out to.

I wanna give a massive thanks to you if you read this far, it actually felt good to just kinda spill like this to be honest, if you don't wanna be involved but have got something to say regarding this, reply to this and share thoughts and opinions, whether you think I'm right or wrong I will take no offense at the breakdown of anything I have said up until now. I want an interaction, positive or negative. Sorry for the massive post aswell. Hope everyone's having a good day/night wherever you are and all is going well for you, thanks again <3












Finally I just wanna say a massive shoutout to TTG user "h04x" for going out of his way to have my back in the last little while, even though it didn't benefit him one bit. If you're reading this brother, thank you, for being on my side while I made this decision